Now, using the most advanced computer stimulation, we disclose what really happened to that man who pooped on his matrimonial bed on the night of his wedding.
Truly, disasters don’t just happen. They are a result of critical events that gradually build up and burst out when full blown.
Starting from A up to Z, we shall explain what happened to make the man poop so heavily on the night that everybody was watching on him. We shall also expose what his newly married bride did to contribute to the disaster.
Abel Mosioma Obara woke up in high spirits. The Saturday of June 11th 2011 would be his first day of going to bed with Callister Nyaboke Matagaro after tying the knot.
Bachelor of Science in Computer Science is what Mosioma’s degree boasted of. The 27-year old had found a job with KRA in 2008, a year after completing studies from Nairobi University.
Callister, who we must stress from the onset that she was a 25-year old virgin as at 11th June 2011, was a nurse.
Don’t forget that the wedding’s budget was a 7-figure affair.
Eleven a.m. found everybody in Amauko PAG; and we must stress that it was a heavily attended event.
Full to the brim (oh yes we have to use a cliché); Amauko PAG Church was full to the brim. By noon, you couldn’t find room to swing a cat in the newly-built church.
Go ye and fill the earth; that was the verse Reverend Samuel Bikundo read and preached about: Genesis 1:28.
Here is a brief on the bride and groom: Mosioma was in a very expensive grey tuxedo and Nyaboke sported a most enviable gown. The best man and maid were also magnificently dressed. Pomp was the in-word.
Immaculately dressed maidens contributed to making the day a memorable one.
Just to remind you, we are recounting what led to Mosioma’s embarrassing outpour on a very important night of his life.
Knowledge of these early events will help us unravel the mystery that threatened to put asunder what God had put together (FYI, Callister almost called it quits after Mosioma’s act).
Lest you forget, both the newly-weds were astute Christians who had not so much as touched each other throughout their four-month courtship.
Matrimonial vows were made, and soon the two were husband and wife.
No one had taken precaution that Mosioma was allergic to eggs. Problem number one.
Opacats Bakery, which made the out-of-this world wedding cake, used egg yolk alongside other ingredients to make it. Problem number two.
Problem number three is that Callister fed Mosioma some quite substantial chunks of that cake. People clapped and ululated and cheered.
Quagmire number four is that once he took anything with eggs in it, Mosioma would gradually develop a running stomach. They cut the cake, distributed it, received gifts and began the journey home.
Rolling the newly-weds towards their new home was a state-of-the-art limousine.
Spare a thought, please, for what was going on in the mind of each of the newly-weds – remember this would be the first night to do it!
Ten minutes past nine. Everybody went to sleep. The groom could now kiss the bride.
Uncensored details of what happened in the bedroom can’t be stated here for the sake of their privacy. But that is what made problem number five.
Verification complete, a little sleep was necessary.
When he threw himself to sleep after such a long day, Mosioma felt a sharp pain in his tummy but he ignored it. Problem number six.
X-rated is the only word that can describe the position in which the two slept: literally on each other. Problem number seven.
You might say he was more than too relaxed, or maybe too tired, for what Mosioma did of his bowels had never happened to him before; A disaster!
Zip up your mouths, all ye that have got this WikiLeak. Please don’t go gossiping about it. Sh¿t happens.
